Promised the boys I would buy them tennis rackets after Wimbledon. After getting paid today I took them to DW sports in Coleraine and spent £70 on rackets and balls. These were the cheapest rackets and the cheapest balls, by the way, and this was the result of expert negotiating on my part. Will had originally chosen a racket that was £95!
They swore they were committed to becoming the next Federer. They swore.
Arrived back home and each boy bounced one of their balls (yes, I purchased multiple balls for them because that’s how deluded I am) on their racket approximately three times. Federer practice over for the day.
The new gear was then put to good use beating the living crap out of each other. The balls were all lost within 17 minutes. Each child was now wailing, bruised and annoying. At this point I lost my mind. Silently, of course. I’ve grown a deep understanding that yelling gets me nowhere so I hold it all in and then drink gin by myself later. All I want in this lifetime is Apple wireless headphones and I cannot afford them because I continue to spend money on these three turds who could care less about my spiritual relationship with Ed Sheeran.
The wailing and tennis racket violence became so annoying that we locked the doors of the house and left them to it. After a big walk and a gin we mellowed and started talking ourselves round. And by 'we' I mean 'me' since Andy never gets riled in any way, shape or form. About any of it.
Janine you are upset because you wanted them to be entertained by hitting a yellow ball against the wall over and over - just like you and your sisters when you were young. That is absolutely fine, and if this were the 80’s I’m sure they would be all over that Federer dream. However, you forget that they have devices inside where they can build worlds, research pretty much anything they are interested in, create vehicles or channels or even their own tv show! They can go on a virtual safari. They can watch a snake eat a cat. They can talk to their friends all over the world in group chat hangouts, check in on their favourite famous people, listen to music and watch movies all at the same time. And you want them to get excited about patting a yellow ball up against the wall?
Ok I guess I see it. But still.
Anyone for tennis?