Chris Pratt and Anna Faris - didn’t see that one coming. Not. At. All. I am astounded by their recent acting skills and I’m not sure why because sure he has done Jurassic Park and she’s been a very convincing dumb blonde character for many years in movies I can’t remember the names of. The show of mutual appreciation and rock solid marriage displayed at his Hollywood Star ceremony was the stuff of a Nicholas Sparks novel. I don’t feel the need to comment on my personal feelings about their marital breakup, what’s it got to do with me after all, only to say that this proves once and for all that no good can come from getting hot and buff when you were once scruffy, chubby and entirely loveable.
The signs were on the wall as soon as he lost that 3 stone and went on an endless press tour with Jennifer Lawrence. (Listen, I *adore* JLaw but if Andy lost 3 stone and went on a press tour with her whilst I was at home with the Ferals I would also question my life choices). No woman could handle her lovable chunky buffoon finding that kind of success. Dad Bod for me, A-lister muscles for everyone in Hollywood?? Eff you! Divorce!
So guys please, for me, keep eating the cheetos, keep drinking the beer and stay away from the gym! Spend all that time you would have been butt thrusting olympic bars and weighing broccoli just loving each other in your perfectly rounded and acceptable-to-each-other bodies. The reason I don't have a 6-pack is because I love my husband and I am devoted to my marriage. Oooookaaayyy??
In the meantime I am just going to head off to LA with my camera, binoculars and disguise (lest he should recognise me from my previous stalking efforts) to, erm, check-in on and make sure my beloved Chris is OK. THAT’S ALL I’M DOING!
How’s your summer going? Me? I’m possibly having the greatest summer of my life. Let’s be honest, anything after 2016 should feel good but I’m not sure anything can beat 2017. One summer when I was about 12 I spent a glorious 8 weeks in my bedroom reading all the Sweet Valley High books from the library. My mum came in one day and said she was worried about me and did I not have any friends to hang out with. Jessica and Elizabeth are my friends mum, chill! That was a great summer.
2017 is definitely up there with the year I discovered the Twilight saga in Florida and ignored everyone and everything until I had inhaled every word. And then of course I went into mourning and that was not such a good time. But hey, ying and yang, etc.
I deleted all of the distracting apps off my phone - WhatsApp, Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr and Twitter (I kept Pinterest because how is one supposed to know how to have a good life without Pinterest?). Why did I do this? Well, I’m working on something mega right now that requires all of my spare hours. And doing the Social Media Loop was eating up those hours. So I took the loop away. This has given me an incredible sense of freedom. I’ve eliminated an entire planet from my universe. I spend a lot of time appreciating the freedom this has afforded me.
I Gratitude Journal for at least two hours every day. I’m not joking! I get up at 6am with my journal and I write about things I am grateful for. These include but are not limited to: sunny mornings, Will’s hugs, coffee, quiet time, pens and paper, people believing in me, Andy’s health, gin, the ocean, Jack’s sarcasm, the mountains, writing, reading, music, podcasts, RinkaDink, adventures, saying yes, Charlie’s singing, losing my licence, letting go, Freedom, being alone, being with my squad of boys, gatecrashing other people’s holidays, the people who love us, the people who support us…I could go on forever. The incredible surge of happy power you feel when you write appreciation on paper is something I am addicted to. It has changed my life in so many ways. A million cool things have happened to me this year and I have loved every unexpected adventure. I’ll journal my ass off if I thought the rest of the year could be this good!
I’m not an impossibly happy freak though. I do have upsetting things going on. For example, the headphones that come with the iPhone 7 are actually ruining my life. They are the most unstable, psychotic piece of modern technology I have ever encountered and I hate them. I never, ever express my gratitude for them (maybe that’s why they act like a little bitch every day). Listening to your favourite Ed Sheeran song? Nope, we think you need to finish listening to that Audible novel you only got halfway through. Having a nice walk with your favourite podcast? Nope we think you should tell Siri how he can help you. Piss off Siri, who invited you here? Tim Ferriss is telling me how doing acrobatics in his living room makes him a better entrepreneur. You have no place here! Ok then you ungrateful wench, here’s all of your precious Tim Ferriss podcasts being spewed into your earlugs one after the other at 30x the speed, just because we hate you and your bad attitude.
I desperately need some wireless AirPods but alas I keep spending all of my money trying to make my children better tennis players. It’s a lose/lose situation for my ears and my sanity.
I corroded my own eyeball and have spent some time blind and in a lot of pain. Long story short, Lindsay thinks I have witch powers. So what happened was, I thought a negative thing for an afternoon and I woke up with an ulcer on my cornea. I literally corroded my own eyeball with negativity. So, as kooky as it sounds, I'll be thinking only positive things from now on!
Scroll along the carousel to see a bunch of my 2017 adventures. Long may they continue (and they will because I’ll be writing all about them in my Witch Diary - that's Lindsay's name for my Gratitude Journal).