Today I am celebrating a whole month back at work! This day last month I wrote my ‘Hi’ blog post, then I began shooting again, creating video content, writing and getting used to the terrific four-hour return commute to the studio (sorry for the sarcasm but it does irk me that I still have no licence. Thankfully I only do two days a week in the studio now and work from home the other days - cuts down the stress).
Yesterday I was back in the NewbCube and - oh my! - I forgot how much I ADORE photographing newborns. And snuggling them. And singing to them. And telling them who I am when they open their tiny eyes and look confused for a second because I am definitely not their mum or anyone else they’ve met in their 8 days on the outside! Anyways, I thought I’d celebrate a whole month back with a blog post about some of my fav and not-so-fav things this month.
• A Star is Born
Here’s the cliff notes: I cried all the water out of my body at the afternoon showing and had to go to bed early because I was emotionally depleted and my heart was sad and tired. The next day an ad for the movie came on TV and a great big sobby gulp flew out of my mouth and I relived the entire traumatic experience. Later that day I was listening to the soundtrack on the train and tears streamed out of my eyeballs again as I thought about how much I loved those characters and how my life will probably never be the same again. If you haven’t seen it prepare to bawl. I mean, worse than Marley and Me bawling. I’m not sure I could ever put myself through watching it again but I will for sure listen to that amazing soundtrack on repeat for the rest of the year at least.
And that’s all I have to say about that. Forrest Gump
• My Mum and Dad
Mum and Dad were over from America for two weeks and they just left yesterday. I told Lindsay they literally ‘parented the shit out of me’ (sorry for the swear mum). It was awesome. It was like being the favourite spoilt child and the most treasured person alive. Will said it was like getting ‘a whole new house built’. Dad spent his entire holiday fixing things in our house that have been broken for around a decade. Remember the time the boys smashed the garage window with a football? He replaced that glass and saved me being paranoid all winter that a family of bats are going to move in and ruin my life. I was convinced this had happened last month when I saw a bat hanging out at the side of my garden. But after much hysterics and Charlie inspecting it and telling me it had ‘big dead eyeballs’ my Father-In-Law confirmed it was just a bit of fluff. But still. The threat of bats is always there.
My dripping downstairs toilet - fixed. The hole in Jack’s bedroom wall from his tantrum phase? Fixed. He painted my bathroom and took away the broken towel rail that has upset me to look at every day for 9 years. He fixed our wonky kitchen tap and also advised that the reason our hot tap scalded us to death was that the boiler temp was set 25 degrees too high. He fixed my bathroom light that has been permanently turned on for two years because the string broke. He fixed Charlie’s broken coat peg. He was drilling things in his jammies at 7am before he had even had his bucket of coffee.
Mum knit with me and very much agreed with all of my parenting decisions, especially when I was roaring around the house like a banshee at 7am trying to rile some life into the three dead bodies who simply cannot be persuaded to get up in the mornings. We had some lovely days out, nights in, brilliant craic and even watched a movie together and she stayed awake the entire time (sisters - this is unheard of!!).
So yes, the folks are on the favs list and I am going to work on a plan to get them to retire back home so I can have them all to myself and be the spoilt favourite forever and ever.
• Bake Off
On Tuesdays I work in the studio so my fav thing on a Tuesday night is snuggling with Will and watching Bake Off with a glass of wine. Charlie comes in halfway through because he knows there’s always buns on Bake Off night but the photo below proves that he is only in it for the free buns and is not invested in the baking at all. Will loves Briony because he says, she is missing four fingers on her hand, but she is still as good as everyone else, so that makes her awesome. He also loves John and his Hawaiian shirts. I loved Terry (and had an epic blub at his goodbye speech), and I’m rooting for Rahul now. By the way, I watch it on my laptop because Andy is out on Tuesdays and our TV is a buttcrack, and I don’t know how to work it so this saves me a dramatic strop, which is inevitable when I am tired and can’t figure out the technology.
• Shane Dawson
People, people. I STAN* me some Shane Dawson. When I was sick, I couldn’t watch TV or read or knit because my brain couldn’t process things correctly. So I would hang out with the kids and watch their YouTube things with them. What I learnt about what they watch would put hairs on your chest. Does Jake Paul sound familiar? Will and Charlie are the biggest Jake Paul fans ever. They talk about him all the time, and I only ever half listen. He’s just some dumb kid doing stunts on YouTube, right? I buy them the merch, we streamed the Logan Paul/KSI fight in the summer. Will said to me the other day that his greatest dream in life is to meet Jake Paul and shoot his merch gun with him (but on the medium setting so no-one gets hurt). Well, if your kid likes the Paul brothers, I highly recommend you check out Shane Dawson’s latest 8-part documentary about Jake on Youtube. I think we are five episodes in. EYE OPENING.
I allow myself 15-20 minutes of Twitter every morning. It’s where I find out all of my celebrity news. I don’t really watch much telly, but I find out all the celeb drama from Twitter. Like this pair from Strictly who have been hit by the ’Strictly Curse’ and were pictured snogging each other and now have made it all awkward for everyone else. Or when Roxanne Pallet showed the world what a maniac she is. Or when Chris Evans as much as told everyone he dies in Avengers 4.
I like Twitter so much better than Instagram. I’ve been off it for 10 months and I recently logged in for work. Insta has evolved into endless pictures of people in fields at sunset, or clean white houses with clean kids dressed in woollen things. These pictures are accompanied by long speeches about how clearly they see the world and how the world needs to change and how everyone just needs to be nice to each other and float round fields just like them. Oh Please. We all know your house is piggin’ and you have to pay your kid a fiver to wear the woollen thing and you bitch about all the people who copy your field photo ideas so don’t even. Just enjoy the filth and the horrible shiny fabric clothing your kids prefer to wear and give your head a holiday.
*It was on Twitter that I learnt that being a Stan was being someone’s biggest fan - in the immortal words of the Eminem tune ‘Stan’.
Parents everywhere give me a HELL YEA. I’m coming up with a secret plan to find out where the makers of Fortnite live and then I am going to go to their homes and DEMAND a one-off payment of One Million Pounds for pain and suffering caused to myself and other family members due to the 13-year-old’s addiction to their dumb game. It is his entire world, he cannot survive without it, he actually went through a phase of not buying lunch so he could use his money to buy Xbox cards to buy more Fortnite stuff because I banned the use of my bank card. Then he realised he is 13 and has hollow legs and needs 40,000 calories a day to survive, so he thankfully went back to lunches. He spent all of his birthday money on V Bucks to buy ’skins’ for his character which essentially means he purchased clothing for a cartoon. It is madness.
People, think before you write these big speeches. Just think about it. That’s all I’m saying. You don’t need to share every thought that comes into your head. (Says the girl blogging about Roxanne Pallett and Jake Paul).
• People selling me Christmas before it’s Halloween
STOP IT. I don’t care if it is 12 weeks away. It’s too early. Let us enjoy Halloween, then peddle your Christmas tat at us.
And that about wraps it up. Thanks for reading my celebration post! I’m working on a cute video that I hope to get up tomorrow, and I’ve plenty of smooshy little faces to edit and post, so it’s going to be a fabulous week. Let me know if you’ve seen A Star is Born or the Shane Dawson series, if you have a Fortnite problem in your house or indeed who your favourite Bake Off contestant is!